Day 12 – Getting scared like never
Today I woke up and went down trying to figure out when we have breakfast and it turned out everyone eat separately whatever they wanted. I ate two bowl of porridge. Then I wrote 1 page of thesis. As the main parts are done, now I need to do more research I start to feel lazy. But of course I have to do as much as I can here, so at home I will have less work and I can focus on other things. Around 12 o’clock the master gathered all of us together and we did the mantra, meditation and he gave us a lecture. Like yesterday everyone could share their happy story too. He explained a part where it matched with my situation of breaking up. He said we all experience unfortunate event, but closing, blaming ourselves doesn’t solve anything. Moreover it would just give more depression. Instead learn from the case and move on. Case closed! A simple phrase and I liberated myself from this circle of thought about the break up. His lecture encouraged all of us to connect to each other. And not spreading useless rumours about the other person as it hurt more than physical abuse. I need to be more careful with my words from now on.
At 1:30pm I had to leave, though I was thinking twice whether I should stay or not. Typical me, as the room is non-refundable of course I left. People were really nice, they wanted to make sure I have something to eat so they packed me some food for the road. I passed Westminster to see Little Saigon, a part of California where there are a lot of Vietnamese. I only drove around to see how it looks like and took a picture of a sign. Well the village looks like just the other parts of USA only the names of places were in Vietnamese.
Then I drove straight to the airport to return the car. I spent 10 dollars on fuel so the tank was full and they wouldn’t charge me more. There were taxis there and I was thinking maybe I should take one instead of going by public transport, at least I could save time and energy to find the stops, but of course it’s me, to save every penny I would rather spend more time to suffer. I took the shuttle to get back to the airport and from the airport I looked for the shuttle that took me to the bus station where the city buses were. It took literally an hour to get there, just because the shuttle needed to stop many times between the airport terminals. The distance could be done by walk in 15minutes. I didn’t know any walking pace as it’s airport, everywhere was car, so I said it probably would be better to go by shuttle. Arriving to the bus station I had to wait another 20 minutes until the bus left. I only needed to go 3 stops and then change to Beach Cities Transit 109 Southbound. Arriving to the station I found out the stop for that bus was OUT OF SERVICE. I guess that means the bus doesn’t stop there. I got one of the biggest shock ever in my life. Suddenly I was literally stranded in the middle of nowhere again with all my luggage, backpack, it was getting dark and I didn’t know how to get to the accomodation. Going back to the airport would take another hour because of the shuttle and taxis were nowhere. I started to cry in myself and I couldn’t control it.
I kept blaming myself why I didn’t stay at master’s place, I would have free food, people would take care of me taking me here and there, I could learn more, I would be able to go to airport in comfort. But no I had to put money first and making myself homeless in the middle nowhere when it was getting dark. That was the moment when I would pay any sum of money just to get a taxi that took me to the accomodation. I saw a gas station, going there I saw a hotel. The car rental places were nearby too, I was thinking walking there to get a taxi but the distance were so far. So I asked the hotel receptionist to call me one. Fortunately they helped me and the taxi arrived in 10 minutes. That 10 minutes felt like forever and I was about to cry because of the fear. The taxi came and took me to the hotel, it was already dark when I got there. I punched the code in and the door didn’t open. I got frustrated again, fortunately the doorbell worked and a man opened the door for me.
Getting to my room, I went to take shower and I had to listen to music to calm myself down from the shock. Now that I’m writing this diary, I feel like this was a test how I can handle stressful situation after I heard master’s teaching. Theory is one thing, but using them in real life is another thing.
Blaming myself really didn’t help, I only made myself feel more miserable. The ability to connect to people can really help and save us. (If I didn’t ask for help from the receptionist, I would probably still at the airport now.) Kindness and helpfulness is what humanity really need. Success is not something only one person can achieve, but something that an individual can achieve with the help of others. (Without the receptionist and the man who opened the door, I would probably still on the street.) We repay that help by being grateful to them. (For example: saying “thank you” with sincere). Money shouldn’t be something that control us, but we need to turn it to our benefit. That means we shouldn’t just work to earn money; putting money to be our goal. Rather we need to do what we love and can bring value to people (the mission) and with that earn our living and enjoy; money should be the tool to achieve so.
As I learned, proved and confirmed all these in me through this “accident” I hope I will remind myself everytime I put money first again. Of course this doesn’t mean we can waste money but we need to know how to use it reasonably.