Been a bit long time since I last wrote. I have been busy with my thesis for the whole week. Fortunately it’s done. During that 1 week, writing and searching for information non-stop, I kept asking myself why I chose this major. Then when I look at my schedule for the next week, I already feel overwhelmed without doing anything yet. I started to think what I should or can do after my studies, how I can earn money. And I got stressed for getting stuck again.
If we look at a human’s timeline, we realize everyone starts school when they are 6 years old, then primary school, high school, we apply for university, maybe go for master degree, PhD. After studies we get a job, work for 30-40 years, maybe get married and have a child, then retire and die. I imagined myself living this life. Going to work at 8am, arriving home at 5pm, then cook, do something, sleep and the next day again. Then when it’s time to lay down in the coffin, I definitely will ask myself: “What was my life about? What have I done during that 60-70-80-90 years?”
I suddenly felt like I was living in a hamster wheel. If I lead this lifestyle what the society consider as normal, I feel like I have done nothing significant during those years. Then what is life really about?
It’s a question I kept asking myself for years. Nowadays I watch more and more Nas Daily and Jay Shetty’s video just to figure out how to have a more exciting and conscious life. One of my student told me to travel the world first and do what I want to do, then after I can continue to study or get a job. She is right. If now I can choose freely I would definitely get a backpack and go for a world tour. But is that a good decision?
One of my coach, Sam Ryter, once told me: “There is nothing for sure in this world. Everything is unexpected. But when the time come, you will just go and do it.”
With that, it doesn’t matter whether continuing my studies would be a right decision or not. I recalled my choices I made in the past. I learnt not to have any regret about them, but there is one thing I couldn’t get over. I kept thinking my life would be better if that time I didn’t make that decision. However does it really work like that?
Another coach, Bíró Bence, told me “Every choice you make at that moment is the right choice.”
I was thinking if that time things didn’t happen like that, how would I really end up now? Again I had to realize things had to happen the way it did. Because it wanted to teach me something, to show me something. If I realize the lesson, I can avoid it next time. But if not, it will keep happening again and again, until I learn the lesson. Once again if things happened differently, would I be here right now? Where I am now is because of the things I did in the past.
What the future can bring, none of us know beforehand. What we can do is to do our best in the present to create a desirable future. And even after many consideration whatever we choose, we should believe that our life is destined to go that way. More important is to take responsibility for that choice. There is no right or wrong here. There is only responsibility. In the end, everything will be fine and we all end up in one place. But how we have lived until that time, whether we have created a happy life for ourselves or an impact on the world, that matters.